haiku #8

a half-ton live branch
rests below a torn white stump
eighteen feet aloft

the walnut branch that fell in our yard

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About Greg Bryant

I teach writing and literature at Highland Community College in northeast Kansas.
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3 Responses to haiku #8

  1. Chris Bartak says:

    It reads like a Salvador Dali painting. I’m succombing to spatial disorientation. “…Rests below a torn stump fifteen yards aloft”?

    It has an intoxicating sound, and the rhythm is excellent.

    I’d love to know what’s going on. Maybe treed stumps post-flood? That’s the best guess I can manage. I like it.

  2. Greg Bryant says:

    Actually, it’s in our front yard. It’s the stump that’s 15 yards aloft, and the limb is on the ground. I realized that was ambigious, and I wasn’t bothered by the vertigo, but I am unsatisfied with the confusion about what’s going on. I want to give the impression of a frightening and powerful event that’s already happened while no one was looking. It was just there when we came home today. I’m glad I wasn’t mowing the lawn when it fell.

    If you have suggestions, I’d welcome them. I plan to keep working on it. Hemingway wrote a description of the aftereffects of a bomb exploding, which “had lit” where he “had stood” only ten minutes before. The past-perfect is very effective. That’s what I’m working on, but using present tense.

  3. Greg Bryant says:

    Looking at the picture, I see I hugely exaggerated the loftiness. Edited the poem accordingly. I’ve added a picture to clear up the poem’s confusion. Click for more detail.

    The poem still has the problem of unclearness.

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